Done!!

That’s right–I’m done with treatments.  I know I should be whooping and hollering, and  joyfully jumping up and down…but I’m not quite there yet.  There is still a lot to process about this decision.

My oncologist spent a long time with us today, going over options, risks, benefits, etc. etc.  It was clear that he felt this was entirely my decision in terms of what to do today and from here on.  There are no right/wrong answers.  There are risks/benefits to any choice, and we talked those over quite a bit.

Allow me to elaborate:  The studies that have been done for this type of treatment (officially: FOLFOX) have been done on 12 treatments, which has been claimed to be” optimal”.  No one has done a study on 11 treatments…and especially not on 11 treatments where 3 in the middle were lower dose.  So no one can say if stopping now is going to hurt me in the long run.  Risk/benefit-get it?  Maybe ( or maybe not) I’ve had enough to have disposed of every last cancer cell in my body…but there is no way to know that for certain.

There was no point in doing a lower dose. (which is interesting…my doc in AZ was ready to go that route if I were to stay with him.)  My doc here says that a last dose at a lower rate has no added benefits.  So he basically said my decision was one of two:  go the full route or stop.

The decision ended up to be very emotional.  How was I to know if I was putting myself at risk by stopping now?  I am fairly certain I would be putting myself at risk by doing a full treatment.

I chose to stop, and I feel it was wisdom beyond my own that brought me to that decision.  I have continually prayed for wisdom, and I know (from emails, texts, blog comments) that many others were praying for the same thing.  Having that support has sustained me throughout this journey, and was an important part of feeling peace with the decision I made.

Now what?  Interestingly enough, nothing was said about what to expect in terms of healing.  When can I expect my appetite to return?  My tingling fingers and toes to stopping tingling? My tongue to stop burning?  My sensitivity to cold to go away?  My skin to stop peeling on my hands and feet?  I didn’t ask these questions…there was simply too many other things that were talked about.  In terms of these issues, I’m going to be working with a naturopathic doctor whom I’ve been in contact with throughout treatment.  She has worked with cancer “after-care”, and has some plans already figured out for me.  I’m glad I have her!

In medical terms, what’s next comes is in August:  CT scan, colonoscopy, blood work, and doctor’s visit.  Until then, I’m set free…for 4 months when the same thing will occur again (maybe not the colonoscopy…one can hope!)

Unbeknownst to me, all three of our kids planned to come to the clinic to be with me on this last treatment.  Thanks to the quickness of texting, Jim was able to let them know I wasn’t having the treatment, so instead they picked up lunch and came to our house for lunch.  Have I mentioned I have the greatest “kids” in the world?  What a day brightener they were today, and what a blessing they have been throughout the entire past year with both Jim’s and my health issues.

Below is not necessarily the best picture of the 4 of us, but was taken before they left to go back to work.  They brought flowers, and Mark brought a teddy bear.  If you can’t see what it says: “Colon cancer messed with the wrong chick!!”

 

I think that’s it for now.  I’m exhausted from all  the emotional energy that went in to the morning.  I will write more as time goes on.  I want to keep a record of my recovery, so you can bet I’ll be writing about that as well.

But…I have to say how  incredibly thankful I am for those of you “out there” who have been with me throughout this journey so far.  This feels like a bend in the road, and a new road is unfolding in front of me.  Truly, only God knows where this road will lead me!  itzaGodthing!!